I remember years ago watching a real good friend walking across the factory floor after being fired. He was in his early 70's, and I had hired him as the plant nurse. He had begun his career as an RN as a second career, and he was real good at his job. I chose him over the typical nurse-type woman because of his vast experience, along with his credentials as a nurse.

As I watched I knew this wold be his final job, and it broke my heart. I purposfully watched as he appeared to became smaller and smaller, until he turned the corner after walking nearly 100 years, and disappeared from sight. I am now him, and the world is me. I am slowly disappeaing into an unknown realm where there is no there is no staying out, nor getting out.

Will this transition take place so slowly that I won't even notice? Will I be aware as life as I know it is slowly slipping away? How will it happen, and how long will it take? Which will go first; my speech, my memory, my comprehension, my social skills?

Only God knows, and he likes to keep these things to himself. Thankfully.

A GLIMPSE INTO THE FUTURE ... SORT OF

I visited my father-in-law, Karl, at the nursing home today. His confusion and dementia continues, but at a lower, more subdued level. He is still the most pleasant, amiable and loving man he has always been.

Visiting a nursing home, whether you have someone there or not, is both a rewarding and humbling experience. There are always some people there that have no family, or friends or any visitors at all. They would love to have someone to talk to, to show an interest in them.

It is easy, actually common, to forget that these people, though old, confused and quite possibly not able to care for themselves, are people just like you and me. They all have an entire history of living, with the associated trials and tribulations, loves and hates, fears and joys. We should look at these wonderful people with the respect they deserve. Each has a story to tell, with no one to share. Be that person.

I say this with a specific purpose in mind; you might even call it selfish. It's quite possible that someday I'll be that person in the nursing home. Don't look at me as weird or stranger, or see me as a non-person; someone that had no past, and is now an empty shell of a man.

Remember, I was once where you are now, and someday you just might be where I am today.

A VISIT WITH THE THERAPIST

Another visit with the therapist today. I've been seeing the same one for the past 5 1/2 years, and we really seem to "click". I can open up to her, and feel comfortable. She doesn't push, but waits for me to come around.

DON'T PLACE YOUR DAISY MY OUTHOUSE (all it does is make the flower stink)

I purchased a new package of Mr. Coffee filters today; they come two to a pack. This is the kind that clamps onto the top of the filter basket to "pre-filter" the water. This might not be a big deal to you and, to be truthful, it isn't to me, either. And this isn't the point of my story.

"The Dividing Line"

So, were is it ... the line that divides a dual diagnosis. I know, dual diagnosis usually refers to MI and alcohol / drug dependency. But I think it can be used as any illness that has any two causes. So, with that in mind, back to my point.

"... A Day In The Life"

Sat today with a man in the throes of a strange mental breakdown. A normally very sound-minded, quiet-talking, very rational person, what comes out now is conspiracy, mix-and-match news and current events and a strong will that can be manipulated with carefully-planned talk. (By manipulate, I don't mean in a devious way; I am talking about a way to keep him safe without simply saying "no" all of the time.

It breaks my heart when someone I know and love has such a personality change; it's actually a little haunting. For me the haunting carries over to my own life. When will I reach this point? How will I act? Will know what I'm doing when I do it? I'm trying to learn all I can about what it's like to have Alzheimer's; at the beginning, at that point where that dance back and forth between reality and fantasy is suddenly danced on one side only.


Dancing back and forth.

SPREAD THE WORD

I recently ordered and received 10 "Alzheimer Awareness" bracelets from alz.org. I have worn one from "Campaign For The Brain" until the lettering wore off, and have just now replaced it a new one.

I like these kinds of bracelets. Each color, along with its wording, represents, both to the wearer and the observer that supporting the cause to eliminate this illness is important to the wearer. The ones who wear the bracelets can usually be counted on to be a near-expert on the topic.

A walking, talking advertisement on mental illness, Alzheimer's, MS, Leukemia, etc. giving real-life advice on real-life issues. These turn out to be the key to open communication and the sharing of information.  So, if you have a personal disorder, have a friend or family member who does or are simply interested in a cause, get one for yourself. It's fun, and it does a service that is needed. 


A simply way to serve the Christ who called us to do just that!

Today

Too many things are going too wrong. Physically, mentally and emotionally all at once. DJD and arthritis cause my joints to hurt. DDD and scoliosis cause my back to hurt, which is causing failure in my right leg at this point. Mental illness is causing disjointed thoughts and actions. Younger Onset Dementia is causing escalating memory problems, which in turn result in a multitude of problems. 

I have, with increasing severity, problems with the things that Connie needs; reassurance, level-headed thought,  decision-making and the ability to remember the most basic of things. The needs someone she can depend on, and I can't. What in the hell are we supposed to do now?

I honestly don't know what to do at this point; probably maintain as is. But it seems that within a few years I'll need more care than Connie can provide; what then? Is it best to attack that problem now, and address the drastic changes that will be unavoidably necessary? I don't know? What? When?