The Bad Days Come and Go

Are you aware of your functional zone? Your objective, whether conscious or not, is to reach and maintain this level. So each morning you get out of bed, drink your morning coffee and follow a set routine that gets you ready for the day. And you work throughout the day to maintain that level of "being".



I lost my zone a few years back. It started out slowly; so slowly that the change is hardly perceptible. But your journey out of your zone is fleeting, and soon you jump right back in. Eventually, your old zone is gone, and your new zone, defined by your illness, becomes your new functional zone. However, you're unaware that your zone has changed; if only that awareness level would continue.

Here's where the problem starts. That to which you were once blind now becomes glaringly obvious. And it pisses you off. You are suddenly aware that your mind doesn't work the way it used to. (Note: This is usually where people will try to console you by saying "I have a hard time remembering things too", "I misplace things all the time" or "I've missed appointments before". Remembering things isn't your only problem, but remembering how to do normal, day-to-day things is. What they don't realize is that you misplace the same thing 5 times before you get it to where it is supposed to go. You don't just forget appointments, you forget you have a job that involves appointments. They mean to be supportive, but they're not. Just smile and say, "Yeah".


So this is where you'll dwell for a long time. I imagine that, no matter how hard it is to be here, eventually you'll wish you could settle in. Soon enough, you won't be aware enough to know that you aren't where you were, or you'll never be where you wish you could be. You'll simply be. Like I heard recently, "It may not be right, but it is so".